It’s 1:30 pm, my fingers fly swiftly across the smartphone screen. “What do we want to eat tonight?” I type in my messenger’s dialog box. It takes less than 5 minutes until I have a “Tell you ”Get back from my heart leaf. Same procedure as every day, I think, as I go through my vitamin balance of the last few days in my mind, which makes it clear to me: Today it must be something healthy that comes on the dinner table. Even as I am mentally preparing a suitable recipe, a small imaginary Julchen sits down on my shoulder. “Did not you really want to clean the bathroom? The floor looks again, as if one intentionally had a layer of dust on it “. I try to ignore the Julchen, which unfortunately only minimally succeeds me. “Before you forget it, remember the meeting with the couple from Across, for which you have to get a bottle of wine by the way. Oh, when were your cat animals actually vaccinate the last time? Call the vet immediately! “. Without dot and dot, the little Julie on my shoulder lists all the things that I should think about, so that everyday life does not sink into chaos.
Mental Load – head full, stress guaranteed
Little Julie is a symbol of something each of us knows: the mental load. Mental Load is the constant thought of everything that needs to be done, organized and clarified. We load up on our shoulders day after day things that seem to get heavier and heavier over time. If you only have to manage your own load, the whole thing can be handled well. However, if you are in a relationship, the load will power up so much that it can become a burden. When I speak of “man” here, I should actually replace it with “woman”. Women are the ones who take the biggest part of the mental load. They feel responsible for ensuring that the apartment is cleaned regularly, appointments do not fall under the table and the refrigerator is filled regularly. At least that’s me.
- Our parents did it. With whom are appointments made? With the woman. The best example is my parents. If I want to sign up for coffee, I will not write this to my father, because I know that he will refer me to his wife anyway. Ever since I can remember, the diary of our family has my mother in hand. I was thus taught from birth: You as a woman are responsible for the organization in the family.
- The society expects it from us. Who is the pediatrician calling if he wants to provide information about the offspring? The mother. Also, who lives in a childless relationship will have stated: Woman is expected to keep track. It is addressed almost automatically when it comes to organizational issues. Was always like this, has never been a problem, right?
- We ladies do not fight us enough. Have I ever picked it up because my shoulders got heavier and heavier because of the mental load? No. If everyone else manages to mess up the whole day-to-day organization, then I’ll make it all right, right?
What does the unevenly distributed mental load do to our relationships ?
Granted, sometimes I enjoy having the overview. I have the power of decision when it comes to household errands or our diary. I can determine the degree of cleanliness of our apartment without having to argue about it. That gives me a little power. But this power charged. Through her I feel responsible that no one starves to death and we do not choke in the dirt. I take it for granted that these responsibilities of the relationship weigh on me. However, the mental load on me also leads to the fact that I believe my heart sheet less and less. If I ask him to do the shopping, to cook or to make an appointment, I have the feeling that he would certainly forget one or the other, again only get fast food from the snack or choose an appointment,
Never underestimate the skills of the partner !
I assume that without my solicitation and task assignment alone, he would not think of taking care of these things on his own. In doing so, I underestimate his abilities. Of course, he is able to do all that, which makes my mental load seem so huge. But why should he, if I take it all with me? My heart leaf handles its mental load quite differently, better around. To endure disorder, to use the empty refrigerator as an opportunity to eat again – My darling has his own way to keep his load as low as possible.
What can you do about it?
Dear ladies, if you once again feel that you have to take care of everything, to be responsible for everything, let go. Do tasks even if they are not resolved the way you are used to. Very important: Talk to your partner! Mental load is something that happens in your head, it is invisible from the outside. How does your pet leaf want to know what kind of puzzles you are struggling with, if you do not talk about it? I admit, I catch myself regularly as I take the mental load completely on my shoulders. To prevent this, I remember that the world will not go down if I do not think of everything, but give some of the responsibility to my heart, without delegating tasks. He will find his own ways to organize everyday life. Maybe even better than me.