Either they are the fuse of disaffection, or they trigger wars in court: the economic disagreements weigh all the same within the couple. So much so that for many it is more serious a lie about the finances of a betrayal. All good reasons to face marriages or cohabitation by doing good accounts
Thelatest infidelity news assures that a man can be hurt more by hiding a credit card than a lover : in short, the existence of a personal bank account or a credit card is hidden from the husband. , and financial infidelity , as it is called in America, is fatally complete. Of course, the gravity of financial infidelity is measured on how or, better, with whom the money covered up is spent, but 31 percent of Americans ( CreditCards.comsurvey ) is categorical a priori: lying to the partner about money is more serious than having sex with another .
Because in love, money shakes emotions like little else can do . “If it is not because the partner has been betrayed, today the couples end up with the lawyer because of the money,” admits Katia Lanosa , vice president of the Italian matrimonial lawyers. “If there is no money, we can fade for poor and hard everyday life; if there is money, one is accused of the most various misdeeds, for example of spending more for oneself than for the family, or not to bring home enough money, to squander them or, on the contrary, to be stingy ». When money is not the fuse of disaffection, then separation becomes the weapon with which revenge is consumed: “I’ll ruin you, I’ll reduce you to the pavement: they are the classic expressions of those who expect nothing more than to destroy the former”, using the most versatile of tools, money.
Because, really, money has the chameleon-like power to lend itself to every end: spent to seduce or boast to deceive the blossoming of loves, they often make crutch years later, when it is fought in the name of money but it is not realized that, below, you do it to hide that you feel bad in your heart, other than your wallet! ” Besides, you can count it now in money . The pain of a betrayal, for example. If you take him to court, he turns into money, “says Ester Viola , a lawyer-writer (In the fall, Gli spaiati will be released ), which on Twitter argues very keenly about love. “A sentence is the compensation that gives justice to compensate for the natural defect of the trials: no one can repair the damage that has been done. The law is the universal admission that we are only able to count them. This idea of the end of a great love can be quantified with a non-transferable check.
Two hearts and a heritage
After all, years of economic crisis have nibbled the assets and marriages of everyone, with the sad legacy – confirms the lawyer La nosa – of couples forced to live glued even after they separated because there is not enough money to hold up two homes. Or of couples where she found herself doing the economic locomotive of the family because he lost his job or she earns more than him. “And maybe you should also worry that he’s not upset about it,” adds Viola. “It is easier for a couple to lose a betrayal than that kind of movement of the trouser axis. The economic center of gravity, in short. Do not ask me why: we will sadly end up questioning male ego and of the fact that “I am the one who takes the initiatives, I am the strong one and I have to take care of you” is a condition of existence of love “.
A ring where forces and powers are measured
In short, even in the most disinterested of loves, today money risks becoming a ring in which the strengths and powers of the two are measured . “I see a type of relationship establishing itself, in which even wealthy men participate little in the daily expenses and leave it to her, who is happy to make him happy, the weight of paying. It is one of the new traps in which, alas, I begin to see women fall », says Umberta Telfener , psychologist and author of Letti sfatti(Giunti), essay on the loves of our time and their drifts. “As well as among women who have married wealthy men, giving up work, I encounter them more and more in crisis with themselves, because suddenly they doubt that staying married is more a choice of convenience than anything else. In short, we live in a changing situation, where the impetuous emancipation of women continues to upset the balance and where even the concept of money in love is in transformation “ .
In such chaos, those who have the courage to speak loud and clear of money end up acting well, breaking the taboo that love is the negation of every calculation. “I would suggest that you do not deal with the subject of money once and for all, perhaps before getting married, but as many times as you need to and to make continuous negotiations right on the money,” he adds. “Alternatively, you are preparing for a sea of trouble.” So wisdom wants you to keep an account of your own, alongside the common family expenses bill. “I would say it’s a must: I know of people who ran to drain the joint account the day before asking for separation!”
Definitely better, then, to put it this way: the one who manages to stay in two wins as if – in some respects – were alone. “Keeping the mind focused on one’s individual economic destiny and working to protect it is fundamental”, confirms Debora Rosciani , a ringing voice of the Radio24 Due di denari program , which is preparing for the publisher Hoepli a survival manual (for women) for showers economic cold today. “This can mean building a supplementary pension, carrying out complex financial transactions only with the help of a professional, taking a course in financial education … and paying attention with joint accounts and property. It will not be romantic, but necessary yes “.
And in fact, even romance is adapting to the times and looking for new ways. For example, the dilemma of the dilemmas of the first appointments: who pays for the first dinner together? Is he still there? Surprisingly, you? The twenty-year-olds will also do the Roman, burying every romanticism under the tablecloth, but from 40 upwards the count of the first dinners out puts both on their toes (not to mention how much the matter is mentioned in the environments of girl power , where women are proud of autonomy they do not care about the gallantry and declare to pay serene from their own pocket also for him).
Courting the coast
“But can we reduce it to what it is, or a question of kindness and not equal sharing? “I’m glad to have you dinner with me,” someone is telling you to pay the bill. It is a micro-declaration of happiness, “says Ester Viola . “Then it is clear, courting in 2018 coast. Take Milan. Short plot: young man with normal salary invites girl to dinner. Once, twice, three times. Following weekend out. Become an investment . Will this also explain Tinder? Or in general, falling in love online? What you had to do in 1999 by paying dinners at the restaurant (knowing it, enjoying it, convincing it), now you do it comfortably at home, with a dozen chats. Cost: zero ».