Nowthat a new year has begun, we reverse the confrontation on what consensus is in relationships and let us put ourselves on the side of men. In the head of a male, often a “no” received at the first exchange is the basis of a negotiation . It cannot be definitive, it perhaps means “try it again”, try it better, more. “For many young men seduction, as it is transmitted and learned, is just a sexual assault training,” says Harry Brod, a sociologist, in an analysis of the Weinstein case and the #metoo movement curated by Jessica Bennett, recently appointed “Gender editor” for the New York Times .

Beyond newspaper headlines, denunciation tweets, judicial proceedings, it widens and deposits among people a gray area that disorients like a fog. The New Yorker, the other American magazine particularly active in the exploration of the theme of harassment, published in December a story written by Kristen Roupenian and titled Cat Person , which made readers talk like few other texts in a season full of contributions sharp as a blow from the ax. Roupenian puts the lens on that tangle of interpretations, interferences, projections that hinders the initial knowledge between a man and a woman.

There is a flat plane – without extenuating circumstances – of abuses of power, but there is also a whole world of inclined planes along which words, gestures, good / less good intentions often fall to the point of crashing beyond a point of no return which causes pain, damage: a confusing boundary that then goes on to define the memory of an evil suffered – or inflicted – and to determine the state of health of our sex life.

It is in this territory, where desires meet rejection, that we move to the discovery of deep pleasure . It is the territory where – sometimes, not a few – young men like young women behave more to respond to a waiting horizon on roles (or genres) than to explore themselves, their own individual map traced on the skin. And under the skin.

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