Pochi silences are more embarrassing. Few more decisive occasions in life. The first appointment , after all, has the flavor of a job interview, few words to explain so much, too much. A handful of minutes to decide if there are prospects, to give the best of ourselves and convince someone (if we are interested, of course) to give us a second chance. The second appointment, so much coveted. To get there, here are five rules dictated by science.
He talks about travel, not about cinema.
It may seem a harmless topic , an easy victory: the film that won at Cannes , the film that marked our lives. Yet, a study by Professor Richard Wiseman of the English University of Hertfordshire proved that only 9% of the people who talked about movies at the first meeting came to a second tête-à-tête. But the success rate doubles if, instead, people choose to talk about travel . Much better to tell about your holiday plans , dream itineraries, the most fascinating tours ever tried or the anecdotes of past departures: it makes it more attractive and creates a more relaxed atmosphere, a word of scientist.
How (and how) to talk?
Too much, you know, is too much. Specifically, on the first appointment, we look at the excesses : no long silences, but also down to the despot of conversation . According to research carried out by professors Finkel, Eastwick and Saigal , from the University of Texas, the trick is “avoid extremes and remain autonomous”. With a precise strategy: accept the point of view of the other, slightly correct the shot and give it back the word. All seasoned with genuine and heartfelt interest in his point of view. This will help to smooth out extreme opinions and make the conversationfascinating, but without risk .
Share your secrets
Personal information, with a highly emotional value, is a way to encourage a personal connection, especially on the first date . Almost twenty years ago Arthur Aron , a psychologist at the State University of New York, studied how people can create connections and interest within minutes. His method, recently republished in a famous New York Times article, includes a series of 36 perfect questions for the decisive meeting, because it is able to create a bond even superior to a ten-year friendship between two strangers. Aron has thus shown that opening up in a sincere manneron personal themes it is the winning card for pleasure. Provided you reveal details like your worst memory, the relationship with your mother, something you dream of doing for a long time. Trying costs nothing if you find someone on the other side of the table willing to do the same .
Love at first sight? Just believe it
Professor Robert Earl Naumann , author of an essay on the subject ( Love at First Sight: The Stories and Science Behind Instant Attraction ), analyzed the reports of over 1,500 subjects , different in social status, religion and ethnicity. He discovered that love at first sight is a much more frequent phenomenon than we think: each of us, in meeting someone new, has a 60% chance of falling into the Cupid network with a single glance . Naumann’s theory is linear: almost two-thirds of the population believesin love at first sight and half of these claim to have happened to him. Among the lovers at first sight, 55% married love at first sight just before. Of these, 3/4 of the subjects have a happy marriage. Statistic in hand , explains Naumann, we can increase the chances of it happening to us too. Such as? Simply being part of the group that has the highest chance of achieving this rosy goal: believing it . Since the very first appointment.