How to survive pain, to learn to trust again. Or, vice versa, be forgiven if we were the infidels. We talk about it with Roberta Rossi, psychotherapist and sexologist, President of the Institute of Clinical Sexology in Rome
Arginare bewilderment and forgive after a betrayal . Or rebuild the relationship if we were the ones to betray . Traumas that are never forgotten. Roberta Rossi, psychotherapist psychologist, President of the Institute of Clinical Sexology of Rome, shows us the fundamental steps to overcome this difficult moment of life as a couple.
IF YOU WERE Betrayed
How can treason be overcome? «To forget is impossible, but it can be overcome. If you chose to forgive and continue this relationship, you should avoid asking continuous, unhealthy questions – how was she, how did you make love, where did you go when you were together – because knowing real details helps us build a truthful image that is fixed in the memory and does not go away any more », says Rossi. ” You don’t have to be obsessive. Wanting to know each of his slightest displacements, each meeting adds anxiety to the relationship and drives away the partner who does not see his commitment recognized, and senses that he has not been understood and really forgiven. It is also forbidden to analyze how he makes love, because a different gesture is enough and the torment begins: he has learned from her, in this moment he thinks of her. Result? Desire vanishes instantly, “says the sexologist.
When can one say that the wound has healed after infidelity was suffered? “You see in the different fields that involve the relationship. To the practical aspect the feeling of having forgiven is due to the fact of no longer having that anguish that marked our days and being more relaxed towards the life of the other. On a sexual level in balance . An excessive request for intimacy or the exact opposite is the signal that the question is not resolved, “concludes Rossi.
HOW TO FIND THE SELF-LAST
« Tradite does not mean finite, ugly, useless . A betrayal can also be an opportunity to try to understand what happened , where we left the field uncovered, because another relationship has crept into our couple. We need to do a job on ourselves, perhaps with a somewhat selfish form, that is, dedicating a lot of time and attention to our own person, to our own interests, giving priority to other relationships. This is the positive attitude. Wrong to complain . Falling into depression only underlines the fact that for a moment we were losers, because we were betrayed. But now he is here, he has chosen us not the other … », says Rossi.
IF YOU WERE BETRAYING YOU WERE
“It is essential to put into practice behaviors that put the other person at peace , trying to reassure him. Create a mapping of our movements, give physical and relational attention, even when the partner has a negative attitude towards us, trying to overcome his hatred. And respect his times, not ours . Because only when he has eliminated his ghosts, will his forgiveness be profound, »says Rossi. And the eros? We must try to recreate tenderness, without haste, perhaps starting from a kiss. Making love means abandonment, total trust, empathy all things put to the test by a betrayal, which cannot be found overnight.It takes patience, timing, sensitivity. Needless to attempt a quick reconstruction if the foundations do not hold.